Bible Verse of the Month...

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Deut 31:6

Monday, December 31, 2007


Why is it that in my journal some of the worst days of my life
are recorded with just the facts. There's not mention of the
feelings that went along with the incident - just an entry in a
Why is it hard to actually put feelings into words? If I don't
write about it and mention the pain maybe later when I reread
it, it will seem like it actually happened in someone else's life,
not mine. But then again to minimize the pain doesn't help get
over it. It's still lying underneath ready to pounce any time
like a tiger with a victim unaware.
A new year begins tomorrow. I'm going to work at putting my
feelings into words. Maybe then I can move on past painful
moments. In not writing out feelings I also miss out on more
joyful moments.
I had have some of the happiest moments in my life the last
week; having my children and grandchildren around me. But
sometimes those moments can also look like a simple fact
written in a journal. I want to be able to express those joyful
moments, too. I want my children and grandchildren to know
how blessed I felt just having them near.

Remembering Luis

I went into work today to do payroll. Just a few of the guys were
there. I heard a voice and thought Luis, but then again it couldn't be
Luis. He died December 20th.
It's really difficult to imagine he won't be coming into the office
again. It's like a bad dream and I keep thinking he'll walk into the
office some morning.
He'd always been such a hard worker. He always got his projects
roofed quicker than anyone else. He worked his guys hard, but
didn't ask anything of them that he wouldn't be willing to do.
He was our top foreman and then he became the executive
supervisor and was in the office some. I knew I could ask him about
some of the problems I was having getting the guys to bring in the
invoices. He'd always try to help.
I realized that Luis isn't gone as long as I can remember him.
I'm sure I'll hear his voice and see his smile in the memories that I
have stored in my mind and heart.
We'll miss you, Luis, but we won't forget you. I'll remember you
standing alongside your 17 year old son, Luis Jr., at the Christmas
party. I'll remember the delicious beef fajitis that you cooked. I'll
remember you and Manuela being with us at the goodbye parties
for Ty and Bill.
I'm sure the guys will talk about you. They always have funny
stories to remember about each other. They seem to enjoy playing
tricks on one another.
I'll miss you, Luis. I'll miss your voice, your smile, your hard
work, your dedication, friendliness, and all the help you extended
to me. I'm not the only one who'll miss you. I know that we'll
remind one another at work about you. I'm sure occasionally I'll
still hear your voice and see your smile.
Thanks, Luis, for being a part of our lives at Alva Roofing.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Who am I?

My children see one facet of my life. Do they see me as an aging
parent? I am not really so old. Why suddenly do I feel old -
unable to make decisions.

I know my friends see different aspects of my life and character.
Friends from Africa see me one way, friends in Broken Arrow
another way. Friends from high school would tell you yet other
stories about me - my shyness - extreme. Teachers my
obedience, hard work, trying to please.

Each person would add something different to the mosiac of my
life. I am the sum of all these things. Not just one part. I am a
wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, shy teenager.
All these make up who I am.

I look at my own Mother one way and my children see something
different. They don't know the whole story - neither do I. I
don't know all that happened to her as a child, a teenager, a young

So no one looks at us and sees the whole person. They only see a

We all long to be understood, but how can another person fully
understand us.

I think of my husband when we first met, when we got married,
when we moved away from our parents to Memphis. It was the
two of us - facing what came our way.

I see him as a young man chasing the kids after worship services
at McKellar Ave at Memphis.

Our children see gray hair and ears that can no longer hear as
well. They do not see the young couple setting off on their own.
They do not know the dreams we had - the energy - the longings.
Once we were young like they were.

I do not want to be seen just as someone getting older - just as a
parent. I still have my dreams.

I have memories of my Dad, but I don't know him completely.
What were his dreams? What did he give up to be a dad? Who
was he as a young boy, a teenager, a young man in the war.

As I long to be understood and known by my children, I realize
I do not fully know them either - their hopes and dreams. But
we are family and love each other and there will always be
somewhat of a mystery about each one of us.

We are all so much more than any one person can know about us.
We are so complex - yearning to know and be known.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

It's Got to be a Dream

Today is one of those days I'd like to be able to go to bed and
sleep and wake up and everything seem normal again. It
started out as just a regular busy day. A day of errands that
Fred and I were running. Going to the grocery store and
buy groceries for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner.

Then Fred and I stopped so I could give my friend a present.
She got dizzy, which wasn't odd because she has minnear's
disease, an inner ear problem. But then she didn't get over
the dizziness. Her granddaughter and I got her to the couch,
then she said her face was numb. We thought it was a stroke
and her granddaughter called 911. We went to the hospital
and spent about 3 1/2 hours although it seemed more like
the entire day while we waited to find out what was wrong.
They finally told us they thought it was vertigo. Whew. A
sigh of relief. That's much better than a stroke, but I'm
sure Normal felt like she was going to die. She was so dizzy
and nauseated.

Then after she was discharged and I said goodbye, I went
to another part of the hospital where Fred's Mom was
having surgery. It went great and she came home with us
for the night.

After that I noticed I had some called from work: 2. Then
I got a call from Sharon who I work with. She told me that
our exesupervisor from work who was traveling to Mexico
to see family was killed in an accident. His van turned over
6 times and threw everyone out. His wife is having to have
surgery and two of their children are in the hospital. The
16 year old son helped his family and stayed at the scene of
the accident with his Dad.

It's like a bad dream. I wish I could wake up tomorrow
and everything would be ok.

Life is short and we never know what tomorrow may bring.
If something happened to me, I'd want all my family, my
husband, kids, grandkids, friends, and church family to
know how much they have meant to me. God has put so
many people in my life and each one has affected my life
and made it richer. I love you all.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007