Bible Verse of the Month...

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Deut 31:6

Monday, December 31, 2007

Feelings

Why is it that in my journal some of the worst days of my life
are recorded with just the facts. There's not mention of the
feelings that went along with the incident - just an entry in a
journal.
Why is it hard to actually put feelings into words? If I don't
write about it and mention the pain maybe later when I reread
it, it will seem like it actually happened in someone else's life,
not mine. But then again to minimize the pain doesn't help get
over it. It's still lying underneath ready to pounce any time
like a tiger with a victim unaware.
A new year begins tomorrow. I'm going to work at putting my
feelings into words. Maybe then I can move on past painful
moments. In not writing out feelings I also miss out on more
joyful moments.
I had have some of the happiest moments in my life the last
week; having my children and grandchildren around me. But
sometimes those moments can also look like a simple fact
written in a journal. I want to be able to express those joyful
moments, too. I want my children and grandchildren to know
how blessed I felt just having them near.

Remembering Luis

I went into work today to do payroll. Just a few of the guys were
there. I heard a voice and thought Luis, but then again it couldn't be
Luis. He died December 20th.
It's really difficult to imagine he won't be coming into the office
again. It's like a bad dream and I keep thinking he'll walk into the
office some morning.
He'd always been such a hard worker. He always got his projects
roofed quicker than anyone else. He worked his guys hard, but
didn't ask anything of them that he wouldn't be willing to do.
He was our top foreman and then he became the executive
supervisor and was in the office some. I knew I could ask him about
some of the problems I was having getting the guys to bring in the
invoices. He'd always try to help.
I realized that Luis isn't gone as long as I can remember him.
I'm sure I'll hear his voice and see his smile in the memories that I
have stored in my mind and heart.
We'll miss you, Luis, but we won't forget you. I'll remember you
standing alongside your 17 year old son, Luis Jr., at the Christmas
party. I'll remember the delicious beef fajitis that you cooked. I'll
remember you and Manuela being with us at the goodbye parties
for Ty and Bill.
I'm sure the guys will talk about you. They always have funny
stories to remember about each other. They seem to enjoy playing
tricks on one another.
I'll miss you, Luis. I'll miss your voice, your smile, your hard
work, your dedication, friendliness, and all the help you extended
to me. I'm not the only one who'll miss you. I know that we'll
remind one another at work about you. I'm sure occasionally I'll
still hear your voice and see your smile.
Thanks, Luis, for being a part of our lives at Alva Roofing.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Who am I?

My children see one facet of my life. Do they see me as an aging
parent? I am not really so old. Why suddenly do I feel old -
unable to make decisions.

I know my friends see different aspects of my life and character.
Friends from Africa see me one way, friends in Broken Arrow
another way. Friends from high school would tell you yet other
stories about me - my shyness - extreme. Teachers my
obedience, hard work, trying to please.

Each person would add something different to the mosiac of my
life. I am the sum of all these things. Not just one part. I am a
wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, shy teenager.
All these make up who I am.

I look at my own Mother one way and my children see something
different. They don't know the whole story - neither do I. I
don't know all that happened to her as a child, a teenager, a young
bride.

So no one looks at us and sees the whole person. They only see a
part.

We all long to be understood, but how can another person fully
understand us.

I think of my husband when we first met, when we got married,
when we moved away from our parents to Memphis. It was the
two of us - facing what came our way.

I see him as a young man chasing the kids after worship services
at McKellar Ave at Memphis.

Our children see gray hair and ears that can no longer hear as
well. They do not see the young couple setting off on their own.
They do not know the dreams we had - the energy - the longings.
Once we were young like they were.

I do not want to be seen just as someone getting older - just as a
parent. I still have my dreams.

I have memories of my Dad, but I don't know him completely.
What were his dreams? What did he give up to be a dad? Who
was he as a young boy, a teenager, a young man in the war.

As I long to be understood and known by my children, I realize
I do not fully know them either - their hopes and dreams. But
we are family and love each other and there will always be
somewhat of a mystery about each one of us.

We are all so much more than any one person can know about us.
We are so complex - yearning to know and be known.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

It's Got to be a Dream

Today is one of those days I'd like to be able to go to bed and
sleep and wake up and everything seem normal again. It
started out as just a regular busy day. A day of errands that
Fred and I were running. Going to the grocery store and
buy groceries for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner.

Then Fred and I stopped so I could give my friend a present.
She got dizzy, which wasn't odd because she has minnear's
disease, an inner ear problem. But then she didn't get over
the dizziness. Her granddaughter and I got her to the couch,
then she said her face was numb. We thought it was a stroke
and her granddaughter called 911. We went to the hospital
and spent about 3 1/2 hours although it seemed more like
the entire day while we waited to find out what was wrong.
They finally told us they thought it was vertigo. Whew. A
sigh of relief. That's much better than a stroke, but I'm
sure Normal felt like she was going to die. She was so dizzy
and nauseated.

Then after she was discharged and I said goodbye, I went
to another part of the hospital where Fred's Mom was
having surgery. It went great and she came home with us
for the night.

After that I noticed I had some called from work: 2. Then
I got a call from Sharon who I work with. She told me that
our exesupervisor from work who was traveling to Mexico
to see family was killed in an accident. His van turned over
6 times and threw everyone out. His wife is having to have
surgery and two of their children are in the hospital. The
16 year old son helped his family and stayed at the scene of
the accident with his Dad.

It's like a bad dream. I wish I could wake up tomorrow
and everything would be ok.

Life is short and we never know what tomorrow may bring.
If something happened to me, I'd want all my family, my
husband, kids, grandkids, friends, and church family to
know how much they have meant to me. God has put so
many people in my life and each one has affected my life
and made it richer. I love you all.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Monday, November 05, 2007

Change

Change - a word that used to be terrifying,
life is so unpredictable
We should never get to comfortable

Change - yet Jesus Christ doesn't change.
He's always the same.
He's the only one I can hold onto.

Change - now it's an exciting word.
God holds my life within His hands.
What does He have in store for me.

Change - God has in mind great things
but change has to take place.
I can't settle for what's safe.

Change - I must launch out
I must get away from the safety
of the shore and go out into the deep.

Change - can be a comforting word
when I realize that God knows what's
hiding around the bend for me.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Second Chances

Second chances, how often do you get them?
Words said
Words left unsaid.
Misunderstandings.
Friendships lost,
Relationships shattered.

Can I have a redo?
Give me another chance!
Don't say goodbye!
Don't let it end this way.

Hearts broken,
Anger, resentment,
Lives forever changed.

Father, thank you for being the
God of "second chances".
I've had so many "second chances"
with you Father.
I'm so thankful I can ask and you
forgive and forget.

Second chances.
Hearts mended.
Wounds healed.
Relationships restored.

Remind me to give others
"second chances" and let
others have a heart that
extends "second chances"
to me when I need it.

O God of "second chances",
I put my Hope in you.
I'd be lost without you.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Dear Fischer

It was such fun seeing you over the web came the other night.
You were so sweet to want to share a drink from your sippy
cup with Pocket and reaching out to give him a hug.

It was funny seeing you imitate Pa pa's silly faces.

I love your big blue eyes and I enjoy the sound of your voice
as you are learning to say words.

Somehow I am going to have to see you before your Mommy
and Daddy bring you here in August. I want to hold you
again, read to you and toss a ball with you.

I love you Fischer! Obey your Mommy and Daddy.
See you soon, Grandma

Little One

I love seeing the excitement on your Mommy and Daddy's faces
as they talk about you.
They want to get your room all ready for you.
O Little One! I think about you.
What will you look like.
Will you look like your Mommy or your Daddy
or a combination of both.
Will you be talkative or shy.
Will you grow up to be a teacher like your Mommy.
I can hardly wait to hold you in my arms,
to rock you, sing to you, and read you Bible stories.
Only 4 more months until I see you.
Until then Little One.
Love ya, Grandma

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Father, Why Do You Love Me So!

Father, why do you love me so?
I can't imagine.
You've blessed me abundantly
My cup overflows!
Father, why do you love me so?
You've blessed me with a christian mate-
A mate who loves me and is faithful to me-
But most of all to you.
Father, why do you love me so?
You've blessed me with three wonderful children
Who amaze me with talents from You.
Father, why do you love me so?
You've given me two daughter-in-laws who I treasure.
They've been a blessing in the lives of my sons
and they encourage them to love you.
Father, why do you love me so?
You've blessed me with a precious grandson
And soon a sweet granddaughter.
Father, why do you love me so?
You've blessed me with friends all through my life.
Friends who've pushed me to step off the edge of the
cliff and fly and be all you made me to be.
Father, why do you love me so?
You gave me the gift of your one and only Son who
died for me.
All these amazing gifts from your hand!
Father, why do you love me so!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Facing the Giants

Have you watched the movie "Facing the Giants"? It's fantastic. I've watched it over and over.
I guess it justs strike a chord in my heart. So much of the time I am fearfilled person. I am a people pleaser. This movie makes me think so much about facing the giants of fear in my life.

It has so many different lessons in it. Many lessons that I hope to share with the women in prison. In the movie the coach and his wife have tried for 4 years to have children. Nothing in their life seems to be going right. He has coached for 6 years at a Christian school and had no winning seasons. He's discouraged and wonders what can God be thinking. Why isn't God working in his life. Why's life so hard.

At one point he asks his wife, If the Lord never gives us children, will you still love Him? This tears at my heart every time I see it. I am blessed with 3 wonderful children and will soon have a second grandchild.

I think about this couple's dilemna, but then I think what could I insert into that phrase. If the Lord never does___________________________________, will I still love Him. I think about the women in prison I see every week. They want to go home. I think about people sick with cancer or other serious illnesses. If the Lord never answers my prayer for healing, gives me the job I want, etc, etc, will I still love Him? It's something to ponder.

God loves me so much, but sometimes I'm very selfish in my prayer life. I need to attune my life to His will.

Like the coach in the movie, I need to say whatever happens in my life I want it to bring glory to God. I'll praise Him during the trials in my life as well as the great times.

I marvel that God has blessed me the way He has all throughout my life. He keeps showing me He's there. If only I could serve Him and love Him and always say, Not my will but thine.

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