Who am I?

My children see one facet of my life. Do they see me as an aging
parent? I am not really so old. Why suddenly do I feel old -
unable to make decisions.

I know my friends see different aspects of my life and character.
Friends from Africa see me one way, friends in Broken Arrow
another way. Friends from high school would tell you yet other
stories about me - my shyness - extreme. Teachers my
obedience, hard work, trying to please.

Each person would add something different to the mosiac of my
life. I am the sum of all these things. Not just one part. I am a
wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, shy teenager.
All these make up who I am.

I look at my own Mother one way and my children see something
different. They don't know the whole story - neither do I. I
don't know all that happened to her as a child, a teenager, a young
bride.

So no one looks at us and sees the whole person. They only see a
part.

We all long to be understood, but how can another person fully
understand us.

I think of my husband when we first met, when we got married,
when we moved away from our parents to Memphis. It was the
two of us - facing what came our way.

I see him as a young man chasing the kids after worship services
at McKellar Ave at Memphis.

Our children see gray hair and ears that can no longer hear as
well. They do not see the young couple setting off on their own.
They do not know the dreams we had - the energy - the longings.
Once we were young like they were.

I do not want to be seen just as someone getting older - just as a
parent. I still have my dreams.

I have memories of my Dad, but I don't know him completely.
What were his dreams? What did he give up to be a dad? Who
was he as a young boy, a teenager, a young man in the war.

As I long to be understood and known by my children, I realize
I do not fully know them either - their hopes and dreams. But
we are family and love each other and there will always be
somewhat of a mystery about each one of us.

We are all so much more than any one person can know about us.
We are so complex - yearning to know and be known.

It's Got to be a Dream

Today is one of those days I'd like to be able to go to bed and
sleep and wake up and everything seem normal again. It
started out as just a regular busy day. A day of errands that
Fred and I were running. Going to the grocery store and
buy groceries for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner.

Then Fred and I stopped so I could give my friend a present.
She got dizzy, which wasn't odd because she has minnear's
disease, an inner ear problem. But then she didn't get over
the dizziness. Her granddaughter and I got her to the couch,
then she said her face was numb. We thought it was a stroke
and her granddaughter called 911. We went to the hospital
and spent about 3 1/2 hours although it seemed more like
the entire day while we waited to find out what was wrong.
They finally told us they thought it was vertigo. Whew. A
sigh of relief. That's much better than a stroke, but I'm
sure Normal felt like she was going to die. She was so dizzy
and nauseated.

Then after she was discharged and I said goodbye, I went
to another part of the hospital where Fred's Mom was
having surgery. It went great and she came home with us
for the night.

After that I noticed I had some called from work: 2. Then
I got a call from Sharon who I work with. She told me that
our exesupervisor from work who was traveling to Mexico
to see family was killed in an accident. His van turned over
6 times and threw everyone out. His wife is having to have
surgery and two of their children are in the hospital. The
16 year old son helped his family and stayed at the scene of
the accident with his Dad.

It's like a bad dream. I wish I could wake up tomorrow
and everything would be ok.

Life is short and we never know what tomorrow may bring.
If something happened to me, I'd want all my family, my
husband, kids, grandkids, friends, and church family to
know how much they have meant to me. God has put so
many people in my life and each one has affected my life
and made it richer. I love you all.

Change

Change - a word that used to be terrifying,
life is so unpredictable
We should never get to comfortable

Change - yet Jesus Christ doesn't change.
He's always the same.
He's the only one I can hold onto.

Change - now it's an exciting word.
God holds my life within His hands.
What does He have in store for me.

Change - God has in mind great things
but change has to take place.
I can't settle for what's safe.

Change - I must launch out
I must get away from the safety
of the shore and go out into the deep.

Change - can be a comforting word
when I realize that God knows what's
hiding around the bend for me.

Second Chances

Second chances, how often do you get them?
Words said
Words left unsaid.
Misunderstandings.
Friendships lost,
Relationships shattered.

Can I have a redo?
Give me another chance!
Don't say goodbye!
Don't let it end this way.

Hearts broken,
Anger, resentment,
Lives forever changed.

Father, thank you for being the
God of "second chances".
I've had so many "second chances"
with you Father.
I'm so thankful I can ask and you
forgive and forget.

Second chances.
Hearts mended.
Wounds healed.
Relationships restored.

Remind me to give others
"second chances" and let
others have a heart that
extends "second chances"
to me when I need it.

O God of "second chances",
I put my Hope in you.
I'd be lost without you.

Dear Fischer

It was such fun seeing you over the web came the other night.
You were so sweet to want to share a drink from your sippy
cup with Pocket and reaching out to give him a hug.

It was funny seeing you imitate Pa pa's silly faces.

I love your big blue eyes and I enjoy the sound of your voice
as you are learning to say words.

Somehow I am going to have to see you before your Mommy
and Daddy bring you here in August. I want to hold you
again, read to you and toss a ball with you.

I love you Fischer! Obey your Mommy and Daddy.
See you soon, Grandma

Little One

I love seeing the excitement on your Mommy and Daddy's faces
as they talk about you.
They want to get your room all ready for you.
O Little One! I think about you.
What will you look like.
Will you look like your Mommy or your Daddy
or a combination of both.
Will you be talkative or shy.
Will you grow up to be a teacher like your Mommy.
I can hardly wait to hold you in my arms,
to rock you, sing to you, and read you Bible stories.
Only 4 more months until I see you.
Until then Little One.
Love ya, Grandma

Father, Why Do You Love Me So!

Father, why do you love me so?
I can't imagine.
You've blessed me abundantly
My cup overflows!
Father, why do you love me so?
You've blessed me with a christian mate-
A mate who loves me and is faithful to me-
But most of all to you.
Father, why do you love me so?
You've blessed me with three wonderful children
Who amaze me with talents from You.
Father, why do you love me so?
You've given me two daughter-in-laws who I treasure.
They've been a blessing in the lives of my sons
and they encourage them to love you.
Father, why do you love me so?
You've blessed me with a precious grandson
And soon a sweet granddaughter.
Father, why do you love me so?
You've blessed me with friends all through my life.
Friends who've pushed me to step off the edge of the
cliff and fly and be all you made me to be.
Father, why do you love me so?
You gave me the gift of your one and only Son who
died for me.
All these amazing gifts from your hand!
Father, why do you love me so!

Facing the Giants

Have you watched the movie "Facing the Giants"? It's fantastic. I've watched it over and over.
I guess it justs strike a chord in my heart. So much of the time I am fearfilled person. I am a people pleaser. This movie makes me think so much about facing the giants of fear in my life.

It has so many different lessons in it. Many lessons that I hope to share with the women in prison. In the movie the coach and his wife have tried for 4 years to have children. Nothing in their life seems to be going right. He has coached for 6 years at a Christian school and had no winning seasons. He's discouraged and wonders what can God be thinking. Why isn't God working in his life. Why's life so hard.

At one point he asks his wife, If the Lord never gives us children, will you still love Him? This tears at my heart every time I see it. I am blessed with 3 wonderful children and will soon have a second grandchild.

I think about this couple's dilemna, but then I think what could I insert into that phrase. If the Lord never does___________________________________, will I still love Him. I think about the women in prison I see every week. They want to go home. I think about people sick with cancer or other serious illnesses. If the Lord never answers my prayer for healing, gives me the job I want, etc, etc, will I still love Him? It's something to ponder.

God loves me so much, but sometimes I'm very selfish in my prayer life. I need to attune my life to His will.

Like the coach in the movie, I need to say whatever happens in my life I want it to bring glory to God. I'll praise Him during the trials in my life as well as the great times.

I marvel that God has blessed me the way He has all throughout my life. He keeps showing me He's there. If only I could serve Him and love Him and always say, Not my will but thine.

Africa Calling!!!!!!

My husband was looking for a job. We had been living in a small country town where he had been preaching. Our family moved back to my husband's home town and he was busy trying to find another place to preach.

My husband had a friend who was on the Board for a Christian Secondary School in Africa. He asked my husband if he wanted to go to Africa. My husband had wanted to do mission work for years. He had tried to go to several different countries before we ever even met. My husband eagerly said yes. He'd love to go to Africa.

We had 3 children. Our boys were not to eager to go halfway across the world and neither was I. Every night at suppertime my stomach would knot up and I couldn't eat. The thought of moving so far away from my familiar world was frightening to say the least.

I'd only been on an airplane once and that was a short trip in the United States. Fly across the ocean. You've got to be kidding. What if I got too scared. It wasn't like I could get off the plane over the ocean.

What about the friends I had and my family. My mother and my husband's mother were not too keen on the idea. My mother said she'd be angry with me if I took her grandchildren so far away.

I talked to my husband and told him I just didn't think I could go. He told me that he understood and if I couldn't that was ok, but he thought that this was what God wanted him to do. How could I stay behind and yet how could I go.

I did what I should have as soon as we were asked to go. I did the only thing I could. I prayed. I asked God if this was really what He wanted me to do that He would take away my fear and help me be excited about the trip.

Of course, God came through. He answered my prayer; even more than I could every hope for. When I went to Africa God gave me other family and friends to love and to encourage me. He was always with me. My life is richer because of the experience of having lived in Africa for 5 years.

I learned so many lessons. I was blessed by the people there. It's amazing when you think you are going to be teaching someone or helping them that you end up being given so much more than you give. The people there were amazing.

Thank you Father for blessing my life and helping me over another one of the hurdles in my life.

Bullies

Have you ever had to deal with bullies in your life? My teenage years were times I would not want to live over again. Why is it that some people think so little of themselves that they try to make everyone else's lives miserable by mistreating them.

Study Hall was a time I dreaded every day. Two guys loved to tease me and see my face turn red. It was horrible.

I had so low self-confidence and self-esteem already that it didn't take much for me to question my abilities. I felt so stupid.

I'm thankful that I lived through those times and yes I came out better for it. Though it took a lot of positive people in my life to help me believe in myself and realize I wasn't a complete idiot afterall. I had abilities that God had given me.

I can look back now and actually feel sorry for those guys. I don't really see how they could have very many friends treating people the way they did. Although, it seems that some of the most popular kids were really not that nice to other people. I haven't really heard anything about those guys and their lives; although my sister still lives there. I hope that they grew up and started realizing how to treat the people in your life.

Bullies! Have you got any stories to share about bullies in your life? Maybe you've got a story that ends great with the bully actually changing and being a supernice person. I'd like to hear it.

Remembering Mr. & Mrs. H

When we lived in Broken Arrow we were in a Brothers' Keepers Group. We were helping our friends, the Arledges. It was good for us to be involved in a group because there were people of different ages.

That's when I met Mr. & Mrs. H. I was able to go and visit them at their home. They were a really neat older couple; lots of fun.

One day when I went to their home, Mr. H told his wife to tell me what she had done. She had put her false teeth on a plate. Then later she went to feed her dogs and mistakenly threw her false teeth to the dogs. In a little while, she discovered what she had done and went to retrieve her false teeth.

We also had another older gentleman in our group. One time when we were all arriving, this older gentleman parked behind Mr. & Mrs. H and bumped into their car. Mrs. H had a hairpiece on so when she came in the hairpiece was standing straight up. We all had a laugh about that.

Isn't it great that throughout our lives we can have people wander through of all ages and races and we can enjoy them. Everyone we meet brings something different into our lives. I just hope that I managed to give them something, too. A part of myself.

That was something that I learned when we lived in Africa. People there no matter how poor always wanted to feed you or give you something (maybe some ground nuts or eggs). They always felt that their visitors gave them something from just coming to see them and they wanted to show their gratitude.

I have so many people in my life that I owe so much to. They each touched my heart and changed my life.

A Salute to Ba Sailas

When we were living in Africa we had a houseman named Sailas. He was always doing things that drove me crazy.

Sailas was a very small man. Maybe 5 feet tall and probably about 100 pounds.

He would come to work every morning by way of the school pond. One morning he came into the house quite excited and pleased with himself. He said, Madame, come see. There's a very large animal outside. I said I don't know if I want to see it. He kept urging me to come outside. He had killed a very large black mamba snake. They are one of the most deadly snakes. It was probably 6 - 8 ft long.

Ba Sailas could have been killed. I believe these snakes are called the 30 second snake because if you are bitten you have about 30 seconds to live. I couldn't believe he would take a chance like that. Of course, if he hadn't killed it, it probably would killed someone.

He got someone else to help him carry it and he went all around the campus showing off his prize.

While Ba Sailas did drive me crazy at times he really helped our family with a lot of tasks that would have overwhelmed me. I do miss Ba Sailas and am thankful for the work he did to help our family.

What a Difference You've Made in My Life

There's a Ronnie Milsap song that has been running through my head over and over. I've even been singing it in the shower. I'm sure it's supposed to be a love song, but it speaks to me of all the people who have come in and out of my life over the years. It also has a verse which reminds me of the change in my life because of God.

It's amazing how so many people can influence your life. I'm sure they don't realize the difference they make. I guess there would be pages and pages to this blog if I took time to think about every single person who has changed my life for the better.

I'm indebted to so many. There are those who believed in me; believed I could do things that I never thought about doing and they encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone. They made me believe in myself.

There are friends who helped me when my children were small and I needed so much encouragement and the friendship of others who had children.

There are friends in Memphis who took us in like their family. Especially Brian and Virginia Lowery who invited us over about every Sunday night after services. We needed family at that time when we were away from home and newly married.

There were friends in Africa; both the Zambians and the other missionaries. We always felt loved even though we were far away from our families.

There were Toastmaster friends. Their encouragement gave me more confidence in my abilities and helped me to be able to get involved in prison ministry. Thanks, Debbie and Mary.

What a difference you've made in my life,
What a difference you've made in my life,
You're my sunshine day and night,
What a difference you made in my life.

What a change you have made in my heart,
What a change you have made in my heart,
You replaced all the broken parts,
What a change you have made in my heart.

Most of all thanks to my husband, my 3 children, my two wonderful daughter-in-laws. You all inspire me with your love and your talents. Thanks to my Sister and Mom for loving me all through the years. I love you. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have the family and friends I have and all there support.

Most of all thanks to God who makes all the difference in my life.

The Sianjinas

Though we were thousands of miles away from home, we found family waiting in Africa who warmed accepted us and loved us.

We would take students from Namwianga and they would help with worship services on Sunday. People would walk from miles to worship God at the Sianjinas farm.

I always teased their son Justin that he needed to fix the road for us. It was so bumpy. But the trip to the farm always made us feel great.

The Sianjinas always asked why we hadn't come in so long. They let us know we were missed. They always fixed us a wonderful meal with nsima and chicken.

Mrs. Sianjina and I could only talk with an interpreter. She spoke Tonga and I only spoke enough to greet her. She always was proud of my attempts just to greet her in her own language.

Once my husband turned our landrover on its side when he had gone to a funeral and taken a lot of our students. The next day the Sianjinas came and they prayed and thanked God that Mr. Wood was not hurt in the accident.

We spend so many wonderful times at the Farm. We were close to them and their children. Mr. and Mrs. Sianjina have both passed away now. I miss them. God has blessed us with a multitude of family down through our lives. Our experience in Africa was amazing and I thank God He blessed us with letting us know the Sianjinas.

What Will My Children Remember About Me

My health problems, even though minor, have had me reflecting
on what I have taught my children. Will they realize I love
them. Most of all, did they see Christ in me. What kind of
legacy will I leave behind for them.

I wonder if my children know how much time I have spent through
the years praying for them. Did they see me praying? I want
them to know many prayers have been answered and that I will
continue to pray for them that God's will be done in their life.

I am so proud of my children and my daughter-in-laws. I look at
them and see that God has blessed them with many talents. I can
hardly wait to see what God will accomplish through them.

I hope that I continue to grow and leave a legacy of faith in
God for my family.

According to Scripture

I am involved in a prison ministry. We had a guest speaker. I
I always love to hear him speak. He is so dynamic. He has us
read a lot from the Bible. Of course, isn't that what we should
do. We need lessons straight from the Word.

Lee would ask the women a question and say don't give me your
opinion. Tell me "According to the Word" or "The Scripture says"
and tell me what book of the Bible the answer is found in. He
kept pointing us back to the Word.

We can't go wrong when we go the The Word. Sometimes the lessons
that we need the most are simple, but yet we need reminders.
Reminders that keep us focused on the Word of God. If we have a
problem in life go the Word to find out how to solve it. What
does the Bible say? If we are tempted we should do what Jesus
did; quote scripture. Thank you God for the people you send our
way that gently remind us where our true focus should be. Please
God help me have a better knowledge of your Word so I can point
others to you.

I Needed That

I think I am finally recovering from intestinal problems, a virus, pneumonia.
I have been so healthy all my life that it was hard to have to take it easy.
I thought that God was trying to teach me something. Sometimes it seems we
feel we have to be running all the time doing "things". I think I badly
needed some time just to be reflective. To think about God. I want to be so
much closer to my Father in Heaven.

I heard some really good lessons lately. I thought I would like to share
some thoughts with you. First of all we had a lesson on Sunday evening
about the resurrection. It was said that the Angel didn't have to roll
the stone away for Jesus to get out, the Angel rolled away the stone so
people could see in and know that Jesus was raised from the dead. He was
no longer in the tomb. Many people think Jesus is still in the tomb. We
all have to figure it out that He no longer is in the tomb. Also, as
Christians we're supposed to help other people see the empty tomb. The
same power that was available to get Jesus out of the tomb is available to us.
Do we live as if that power is available to us or do we live as if he is
still in the tomb?

Also, the wedding custom was for the young man to offer the woman he wanted
to marry a cup of wine. When he offered her the wine he was saying I offer
you my life. If she accepted the wine she was saying I accept the gift of
your life and I offer you my life. This is how we should think when we take
the communion. Christ is telling us He gave His life for us; I offer you my life. When we take the communion we are saying I accept your gift and I offer
you my life. Have you given Christ your life?

Heartaches

I've been struggling with a few health problems lately. But one thing
I have decided is that it hurts much worse when my children are
hurting. Have you ever heard a parent that is preparing to discipline
their children and say this will hurt me a lot worse than it will you.
That sounds strange, but it sure is difficult watching my children
struggle. I wish they didn't have to go through pain and suffering.

I pray a lot for my children. I pray even more when I know they are
hurting. Sometimes I feel helpless when my children hurt. I wish I
knew the perfect words to make their pain disappear. But the best
thing I can do is to pray and allow God to help them through the
difficult times.

I wonder what God feels when He sees us suffering. I like to think
of the scene from The Passion when Jesus died on the cross and
a great big tear drop fell from heaven. I think God must hurt too.
After all God is compassionate and loving.

I want my children to always let me know when they are hurting.
I count it a privilege to take them before my Father in heaven and
present their hurts to Him. He is so much wiser than I am and
He will know how to help and comfort.

The Gift of Memories

This was a great weekend. My Grandson came to see me. Thank
goodness his Mommy and Daddy brought him. I always enjoy
seeing him.

I never got to know either one of my grandmothers. They had both
died before I was old enough to remember them. My Dad's Mom
died when he was only 18 months old and my Mom's Mom died
when I was 3 weeks old. But I did have my Great-grandmother.
I'm thankful for the memories that I do have of her.

I hope that my Grandson has memories of me; many good memories.
I hope that he knows how very much that I love him and how
special that he is to me. I hope that he knows that I love God and I
hope I can be a good christian example to him. I hope that I can be
like Timothy's Grandmother who shared her faith with him.

What kind of memories really matter about someone? What kind
of car they drove; how much money they made? Did they dress in
the latest fashion? That's not what I want my Grandson to know
or remember about me.

I'm thankful that God gave us the gift of memory. I'm glad I can
remember things about my family.

Isn't it great that God wanted us to know Him. He wanted us to
know how much He loved us and that He sent His Son to die
for us.

I'm glad that God gave us His Word, the Bible, so we can know more
about Him and His Son, Jesus. We are able to remember each week
Jesus death and proclaim it until He comes. I Corinthians 11:24-25
When He had given thanks, He broke it and said, Take, eat, this is
My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of me."
In the same manner He also took the cup after supper , saying,
This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as
you drink it, in remembrance of Me.