Have you ever Been Passionate about Something?

I have become passionate about writing. Maybe because it gives me a
voice and I never felt like I had one before. It's good to have some way
to express myself.

There's an online writing group that of which I have become addicted.
It's called fanstory. It's so exciting for me. I have gotten to review a
lot of poems and some short stories. It's exciting because I can
encourage others about their writing.

One reason I am so excited is that there are a lot of poems about
God. A lot of the authors are sharing their faith by their poems. I'm
so excited to review those poems and get to know the authors. They
are becoming like friends.

Of course, I know that God should be what I am most passionate about.
That's why I think about the Psalm and song of thirsting for God like
in a dry land where there is no water. So this is what I need to pray for,
passion for God. I hope you are becoming passionate about Him.

This is a Poem About

This is a poem about a family.
This is a poem about traveling on a bumpy potholed road.
This is a poem about eating nsema and chicken and visiting.
This is a poem about hospitality.
This is a poem about friendship.
This is a poem about love.
This is a poem about the Sianjinas.

This is a poem about a teacher.
This is a poem about attending chapel.
This is a poem about a little girl searching for the teacher
in chapel.
This is a poem about Rayton and Libby.

This is a poem about a student.
This is a poem about a soccer player.
This is a poem about a friend with a dream.
This is a poem about the student, friend, soccer player,
who left Zambia and went to the States.
This is a poem about my Zambian son.
This is a poem about Bornwell.

This is a poem about a wedding.
This is a poem about customs.
This is a poem about laughter and
this is a poem about the friend who
got married.
This is a poem about Justin.

This is a poem about pillow fights.
This is a poem about baking cake for a friend.
This is a poem about a storyteller.
This is a poem about Ray.

This is a poem about the Sianjinas.

Marvelous Day

I had a marvelous day today. You might ask, what did you do
that was so marvelous. I had a day at home alone. It was so
exciting. I cleaned sinks, mopped floors, cleaned toilets, and
washed laundry. I even had time to watch one of my all-time
favorite movies (again) Facing the Giants. I also talked to my
mother, my mother-in-law and my son, Franklin, on the phone.

Even though I worked around the house I also had time just to
be alone and relax. If I don't have days to just relax and be
alone I really get stressed out.

I'm going to be teaching at the prison in about 3 weeks so I
worked on my lesson.

I think God knew I needed one of these stay at home and relax
kind of days. So thank you Father. You always provide what I
need.

Friends-Thank God for Them

Think back to the friends who have made a difference in your life.
If you're like me there are plenty, but one such friend is Carol.

Carol really worked at pulling me out of my shell, making me do
things that were out of my comfort zone. She encouraged me to
be a cub scout den leader. I still can't believe that I did that.
Of course, I also had another friend, Margaret, who helped me
with the boys or I'm sure I'd never been able to do it.

Fred and I were also in the brothers' keeper group with Carol
and her husband, Bob. Carol asked me to call people in the group
each month and invite them to the meeting. This was also
something difficult for me. It was like pulling teeth. I am not a
phone person and still have to rehearse what I say when I call
someone to ask a question.

Friends, like Carol and Margaret, have made a great difference
in my life. They helped me grow. They encouraged and inspired
me to try new things. They believed in me. Have you ever had
friends like that or have you ever been a friend like that? I'd
like your comments.

Let's all try to be the kind of friends we really need to be. Friends
who make a difference; who inspire, encourage, and want the
very best for our friends. Friends - BE ONE!

Spiritual Blahs

Do you ever feel like you are spinning your wheels spiritually?
Not going forward in your faith or growing. Do you feel like
your prayers are just bouncing off the ceiling?

I guess it's like the winter season. You can see no growth.
Everything looks dead, but there's hope because it really isn't.
The green grass will come out, the trees bud and bring forth
leaves, and the flowers will once more come forth in an array
of colors.

I know God is listening and waiting for just the right moment
to answer my prayers. Everything has to be just right. I
have been studying Joseph and think about all those years it
took before his dreams came true. All the suffering and how
God was shaping him.

I look around at others who are suffering and feel my trials
are so insignificant up to theirs. God has a plan for each
one of us and a time for it to be fulfilled.

So, dear one, there is hope. Keep believing, keep praying
and be assured God loves you and is working mightily in
your behalf.

Fears about Job Search

Has anyone else experience fear related to trying to find a job?
I remember when Fred and I returned from Africa and I hadn't
worked outside our home in 17 years. All the job listings made
the jobs sound like something I couldn't possibly do.

I hadn't answered a phone in the 5 years we had lived in Africa.
We didn't have a phone. Secretarial work had changed so much
because there were computers.

So if you haven't worked for awhile like a stay at home Mom or
if you've had the same job for quite some time it's a frightening
experience looking for a job. Can anyone relate? If so, please
comment.

Wash the Gray Away or Where's My Miss Clairol When I Need It!

There are certain disadvantages of being short on cash. I had begun
to enjoy an occasional trip to the beauty salon to get my hair cut and
that's no longer possible. Also, my hair has to go back to its original
color, drab gray and brown. My hair looks like it has been powdered
next to my scalp.

I guess this is the end of a beautiful friendship with Miss Clairol or
Revlon or whatever color I could find.

I just had another birthday so I guess I will just have to look my age!

What is a Friend?

It's difficult being a friend at times; especially if the friend
doesn't act like a friend. This was brought home to me last
week when my Step-Dad and Mom tried to help a friend.
They had a car wreck and now the "friend" is suing them.
They were just trying to help her during a difficult time.

She even spent the night of the accident with them; then
was quick to leave the next morning to see her lawyer.
She had already been complaining of back pain, but said
her back was lots worse now.

Still you don't want an experience like this to change you.
You still want to be someone willing to reach out and
help someone.

I think of a friend like Jonathan was to David. He knew
David would be king and even though as Saul's son he
could have claimed the kingship, he didn't want to do
that. He wanted to protect his friend, even if it meant
being at odds with his own father.

To have friends, a person must show themselves friendly.
We also should live by the golden rule to treat others as
we want to be treated. Friends do things for each other.
It's not a one way street. You don't do things for a friend
so your friend will do things for you, but real friends seek
to help and encourage one another.

Let's remember to treat our friends with kindness.

Presumed Murdered

My sister brought two notebooks full of work she had done on
our family genealogy. One was about my mother's family and
the other about my father's family. There were so many of the
people that I didn't know, even those who lived in my lifetime.

As I was looking through the book about my father's family I
discovered an entry about a woman relative. It said she was
presumed murdered. Presumed murdered! I can't get that
out of my mind. Why was it that she was presumed murdered?
What had happened? What were the circumstances? Where
was she found? Did they have any idea as to who might have
murdered her?

Did she have a happy life up until that fateful day? Or was her
life full of sadness. What was her marriage like? Did anyone
consider if her husband might have killed her? Was there any
possibility of suicide?

It happened in about 1846. I can't remember exactly what the
notebook said about how old she was. I suppose no one will ever
know what really happened. Presumed murdered!

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I die before I wake I pray the Lord
my soul to take.

I remember thinking of this prayer often as a child. Then I was
fearful that something would happen to me. Now as I get older,
I know it's very possible that something could happen to me at
any time.

I treasure each moment I have with my children and my two
precious grandchildren. Oh, how I hope I have lots of time with
them. I didn't know my own grandparents much. I guess that's
why being an available grandparent is important to me.

Now I lay me down to sleep
If I die before I wake

I hope my children and grandchildren will know how important
they are in my life. Time with them is precious. Time is something
there's never quite enough of. Not enough to say everything we
want to, to do everything we want to, to be with all the people we
love as much as we want.

I hope my children also treasure their moments with family and
friends. Don't forget what's important. I love you!!

I'm Overwhelmed

God has blessed me abundantly. He's answered my prayers for
Tracy and Franklin. He's blessing them with another child.

I've been thinking about prayers for my children. I know God
has been with them and blessed them.

He blessed Franklin and John with wonderful wives. They each
have a beautiful child. They have good jobs.

I know God answered prayers about Franklin getting the right
place to work and the right place to live.

Now I'm excited as John and Emily and trying to find a new home.
I'm excited to see how God will answer.

I believe He has blessed all my children with talents. I've seen them
grow in those. They amaze me. I've watched them all go through
college and now Libby is even a graduate student. I know God has
helped them all and I know He continues to have great plans for them
and for my grandchildren.

At times we pray, but we forget God is working. We get used to
praying and sometimes we forget to praise Him when He answers.
Thank you God for continuiing to answer even when I'm not worthy
of your wonderful gifts. Thank you also for my wonderful church
family who's praying for me.

Those We Miss

My sister has done a lot of work on our family genealogy. I hadn't
thought of some of my relatives in ages. It's strange how hearing a
name can bring a picture into your mind.

I long to go on a day trip with my sister and see some of the old
homes that I visited as a child. I want to look at family tombstones
and reflect on the lives of those with whom I can no longer laugh or
cry.

My brother's best friend, Tommy, died in the Vietnam War. He was
much too young. He was over at our house a lot since his own mother
had died and he lived with his grandmother.

I had a crush on Tommy for a while. He thought of me as a little
sister. At Tommy's funeral I couldn't bear to look at his face. It was
difficult to come to terms with the fact that he was dead. Somehow it
seemed as if I could keep him alive if I didn't see him lying in that
casket. But memories don't die!

Sharing Tag

I was tagged by Franklin.

The Rules: Link to the person that tagged yuo and post the rules on
your blog.
Share 5 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog,
or
Share the 5 top places on your "want to see or want to see again"
list, or
Share 5 things you never pictured being in your future when you
were 25 years old.

Tag a minimum of 5, maximum of 10 random people at the end of
your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know
that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
The tagees have a choice of which they want to do.

I'm doing 5 random facts about myself.

1. In high school I hated giving book reports, but later joined
Toastmasters and enjoyed giving speeches. I was still nervous
but it was fun.

2. When I got married I was working in the Dept. of Anesthesiology
at University Hospital in Oklahoma City. The other women in
the office couldn't believe I would be willing to move away from
my parents to Memphis, Tenn. Because of a recommendation
letter sent from one of my bosses I was able to work at the
University Hospital in Memphis also in the Dept. of
Anesthesiology.

3. I hate change, but moved to Africa for 5 years. Only with God's
was I able to do this.

4. Another thing about myself it that I am involved in prison
ministry which has also been something which stretched my
faith.

5. My latest passion is writing; although I have lots and lots of stuff
I've written not much is really worthy of reading.

tag: Esther, Tracy

Amazing Grace - the movie

Have you watched the movie, Amazing Grace? What's it
like to be so appalled by something that you spend 15
years of your life fighting against it? Fighting a battle
that seems hopeless. Everyone seems to be against you.
Your health suffers. You are tired, disheartened, frustrated
and yet you must continue. You cannot let the other side
win this battle.

Is there some battle cry that I must take up; what about you?

Ain't No Sunshine When Esther's Gone

Tessa Turtle sat shivering in the cold, dark house. Never had
she felt so alone. It wasn't just the absence of electricity that
made the house dreary; it was the fact the little girl was gone.
She felt as if she were alone on a boat far from the shore.

Tessa could still hear the ice pelting the roof. The trees were
bending over from the weight of ice. Occasionally, she heard a
loud crack which reminded her of a gunshot.

When the electricity had gone off, the little girl's parents had
gathered up some clothes and whisked her off to her grand-
parent's house. They had even taken the fish and Tessa's friend
and confidant, Pete, the guard dog. None of the other stuffed
animals in the house could speak, so Tessa had no one with whom
she could talk.

Tessa tried to forget her own loneliness and remember that the
little girl had to be protected at all costs. She already had the
sniffles and no one wanted the little girl to be sick.

Tessa heard a clicking sound and the creaking of the front door
as it opened. Who was there? Soon she saw the little girl's daddy.
He was gathering up more clothes; then he went into the garage
and tossed food into the ice chest. Oh my, thought Tessa, it
looked like it might be a while before the little girl could come
home.

Tessa loved living with the little girl and her parents. She
thought of the day the little girl came home from the hospital.
What an exciting day it was! The little girl's parents were
overjoyed. Finally, she had arrived. Even Pete, the guard dog
was excited.

Tessa had watched as the little girl grew. She learned to do
new things. She smiled and cooed. Then she began to laugh.
She started trying to talk, making different sounds. The little
girl's parents could not understand her, but Pete and Tessa
had learned the little girl's language. They all enjoyed
watching her develop new skills.

It was another long lonely night. Tessa was trying to keep
her courage up by thinking about all the happy memories she
shared with the little girl.

The next morning Tessa heard the sound of truck down the
street. She hoped it was someone working on the electricity.

About noon, Tessa heard the key turning inthe front door.
Surely it wasn't the little girl's daddy. He was supposed to
be at work. The door groaned as it opened. Tessa heard
the little girl's mother and grandpa. Her heart filled with
anticipation. There was the little girl, but only for a moment.
Then the little girl vanished from Tessa's sight. That brief
time was enough to encourage Tessa.

After the little girl had been gone several hours, Tessa
heard a humming noise and saw a bright flash of light.
Yea, the electricity was on again. Now she knew that the
little girl, her parents, the fish and Pete would be home
again soon.

She was thinking of all she was going to talk to Pete and
the little girl about when they arrived home. Tessa felt
all warm inside. Surely, there must be more inside Tessa
than stuffing. Tessa knew that the little girl with her
giggles and laughter brought happiness into this home.
She waiting excitedly for the return of "little miss sunshine".

My Acting Career

Ok, so I really didn't have an acting career. Viewing the movie
the "Parent Trap" made me reminisce about when I was about
10 years old and saw the movie for the first time with my friends,
Pam and Trudy.
I don't know why we loved that movie so much. Our parents
weren't divorced, but for some reason it struck a chord with us.
Maybe we all missed our Dads because it seemed at that time
they were all so busy with work. We hardly saw them.
Every opportunity we had to be together we acted that
movie out. I still enjoy the movie. It brings back my childhood.
I'm glad to see that my sons are able to be very involved in
their children's lives. I've noticed that at worship services Fathers
take on more of a role in their children's lives; holding them,
changing diapers, letting Moms have a rest.
Of course, there are still many single parent homes where
children long to know their Fathers.
I'm thankful for each and every moment I did have my Dad.
I'm also thankful for Trudy, Pam and yes, Haley Mills who made
my acting moments possible.

Writing the History of Our Lives

I've been reading a lot about writing memoirs; writing events from our
lives. I want to write about my life, not that it's so amazing or enthralling
to listen to. Realizing my children don't know very much about my
family and my childhood compels me to want to write, even if it's only for
my children and grandchildren. I'm not saying I'm a "great writer" and
everyone should read what I write.

I suppose at times I feel that I don't know nearly as much as I'd like to
about my Dad or my mother. My mother is still alive and I can find out
events about her life, what it was like for her growing up; however, my
Dad has been dead for 28 years. I want to put what I do know on paper
so my children and grandchildren can at least know my Dad through
me. I think as long as my Dad lives on in my memory somehow I
hope I can keep him alive and let others know what he meant to my
life.

I never knew my Dad's parents and I wish my Dad or Aunt had told
me more about them. Although, my Dad's mother died when he was
about 18 months old so he really didn't know much about her either.

We have such strong ties to our family and unfortunately those
closest to us don't always know all that we long to tell them. We leave
so many thoughts and feelings unsaid. Also, by writing about the
people in my life I can relive some precious moments and realize how
blessed my life has been.

Feelings

Why is it that in my journal some of the worst days of my life
are recorded with just the facts. There's not mention of the
feelings that went along with the incident - just an entry in a
journal.
Why is it hard to actually put feelings into words? If I don't
write about it and mention the pain maybe later when I reread
it, it will seem like it actually happened in someone else's life,
not mine. But then again to minimize the pain doesn't help get
over it. It's still lying underneath ready to pounce any time
like a tiger with a victim unaware.
A new year begins tomorrow. I'm going to work at putting my
feelings into words. Maybe then I can move on past painful
moments. In not writing out feelings I also miss out on more
joyful moments.
I had have some of the happiest moments in my life the last
week; having my children and grandchildren around me. But
sometimes those moments can also look like a simple fact
written in a journal. I want to be able to express those joyful
moments, too. I want my children and grandchildren to know
how blessed I felt just having them near.

Remembering Luis

I went into work today to do payroll. Just a few of the guys were
there. I heard a voice and thought Luis, but then again it couldn't be
Luis. He died December 20th.
It's really difficult to imagine he won't be coming into the office
again. It's like a bad dream and I keep thinking he'll walk into the
office some morning.
He'd always been such a hard worker. He always got his projects
roofed quicker than anyone else. He worked his guys hard, but
didn't ask anything of them that he wouldn't be willing to do.
He was our top foreman and then he became the executive
supervisor and was in the office some. I knew I could ask him about
some of the problems I was having getting the guys to bring in the
invoices. He'd always try to help.
I realized that Luis isn't gone as long as I can remember him.
I'm sure I'll hear his voice and see his smile in the memories that I
have stored in my mind and heart.
We'll miss you, Luis, but we won't forget you. I'll remember you
standing alongside your 17 year old son, Luis Jr., at the Christmas
party. I'll remember the delicious beef fajitis that you cooked. I'll
remember you and Manuela being with us at the goodbye parties
for Ty and Bill.
I'm sure the guys will talk about you. They always have funny
stories to remember about each other. They seem to enjoy playing
tricks on one another.
I'll miss you, Luis. I'll miss your voice, your smile, your hard
work, your dedication, friendliness, and all the help you extended
to me. I'm not the only one who'll miss you. I know that we'll
remind one another at work about you. I'm sure occasionally I'll
still hear your voice and see your smile.
Thanks, Luis, for being a part of our lives at Alva Roofing.

Who am I?

My children see one facet of my life. Do they see me as an aging
parent? I am not really so old. Why suddenly do I feel old -
unable to make decisions.

I know my friends see different aspects of my life and character.
Friends from Africa see me one way, friends in Broken Arrow
another way. Friends from high school would tell you yet other
stories about me - my shyness - extreme. Teachers my
obedience, hard work, trying to please.

Each person would add something different to the mosiac of my
life. I am the sum of all these things. Not just one part. I am a
wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, shy teenager.
All these make up who I am.

I look at my own Mother one way and my children see something
different. They don't know the whole story - neither do I. I
don't know all that happened to her as a child, a teenager, a young
bride.

So no one looks at us and sees the whole person. They only see a
part.

We all long to be understood, but how can another person fully
understand us.

I think of my husband when we first met, when we got married,
when we moved away from our parents to Memphis. It was the
two of us - facing what came our way.

I see him as a young man chasing the kids after worship services
at McKellar Ave at Memphis.

Our children see gray hair and ears that can no longer hear as
well. They do not see the young couple setting off on their own.
They do not know the dreams we had - the energy - the longings.
Once we were young like they were.

I do not want to be seen just as someone getting older - just as a
parent. I still have my dreams.

I have memories of my Dad, but I don't know him completely.
What were his dreams? What did he give up to be a dad? Who
was he as a young boy, a teenager, a young man in the war.

As I long to be understood and known by my children, I realize
I do not fully know them either - their hopes and dreams. But
we are family and love each other and there will always be
somewhat of a mystery about each one of us.

We are all so much more than any one person can know about us.
We are so complex - yearning to know and be known.